Dear Snow,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't match. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me outside your office and I saw you pull the clothes off the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning the couch cushions and your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet donkey and you should stop picking your nose.
Go drown yourself,
Silver
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Dear (choose a random person) ,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I